so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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