i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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