I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
My bed smells like the plague
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
Randomize
