She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
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