Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize