I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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