My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
