Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
How external is "for external use only"?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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