i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
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