The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
