just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
