after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
