dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
