i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
