when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Randomize
