I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
