sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
i think i just lost a toe
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
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