woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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