part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
An accidental pregnancy to a guy with a trustfund is no mistake. It is a gift from god.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
