Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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