somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
