Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
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