i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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