$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
