Acid is not a monday night drug
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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