Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
