o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Michael Bay diarrhea
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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