We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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