I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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