He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
Randomize
