3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
