70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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