3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
