glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
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