that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
