If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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