It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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