i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
Randomize
