the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
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