I murdered the dance floor call the cops
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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