Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
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