she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
