Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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