The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
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