He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Randomize
