can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Randomize
