why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
he fucked my hip out of place.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
