i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
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