I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
