they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Randomize
