Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Randomize
